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Mobile Register
August 27, 1994

A WEEK'S WORTH

Trash, rats and insect chips

Ten days after aging earth children enjoyed a weekend of prancing in the mire at Woodstock, responsible adults were puzzling over how to extract 700 tons of trash and debris left embedded in the mud flats that once were a meadow. Animal rights took it on the shins this week: Frank Balun of Hillside, N.J., faced six months in jail and a $1,250 fine for beating a rat to death in his garden, but a prosecutor let him off the hook. Speaking of vermin, the wife of the man who murdered Medgar Evers will speak to a herd of white supremacists rallying next month in Wedowee. Larry Clifford took first place at an Arkansas cook-off with cookies containing crispy chips made from syrup, brown sugar and crushed mosquitoes. Spines tingled and brains literally exploded from excitation when it was announced that the trials of Heidi Fleiss and O.J. Simpson will both open on the same day next month. Giving a boost to domestic tranquility, The Wall Street Journal noted that the Slickster's crime bill will create a task force to study "non-indigenous plant and animal species" and their possible introduction into Hawaii. Alvin Straight, a 73-year-old Iowan whose vision is too poor to get a driver's license, drove his lawnmower 240 miles to visit his ailing brother in Wisconsin. Your tax dollars are busy at Guantanamo Bay, where refugee camps for Cubans and Haitians are being expanded to handle a population larger than Pensacola's. A Texas appeals court said affirmative action at the University of Texas Law School unconstitutionally discriminated against four white applicants who were denied admission; the court awarded the plaintiffs $1 each but ruled that they still don't get in. Figure that out, and have a nice weekend.

DAVID THOMASSON

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